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ranting. raving. want a job.

16 Mar

Listen ya’ll. Finding a job is hard.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s a lot of them. When people say that SLP is a field that needs people, they aren’t lying. But nobody wants CFs! I’ve lost count of the number of jobs I’ve applied to and I’ve had three interviews. I’ve applied to schools, early childhood centers, contract companies, hopsitals, nursing homes. I’ve applied to full-time, part-time, PRN. I’ve applied all over the state of Missouri but I may need to start branching out. I told the contract company I’ve done a phone interview with that I will go anywhere within a 300 mile radius of St. Louis. WANT JOB.

Even finding the open positions is hard. You have to

(1) think up the names of schools and hospitals or do a ton of research finding places in the city you want,

(2) navigate their website,

(3) find out if there are any SLP positions available,  and

(4) fill out each individual application which takes one thousand billion years.

Contract companies often just have you fill out their inquiry form and then they call you so that isn’t too bad. If you’re looking for something specific – good luck. Trying to find early childhood centers that hire SLPs is quite the undertaking.

Then you have the nasty little problem of not being certified. In Missouri I can pretty much count on one month post-graduation before I can get a provisional license. Today I had an interview and it felt good but then it came down to, “Give me a call when you have your license.” Which is completely understandable – but it still sucks. I want to know at graduation I have a job.

The whole process of getting licensed and certified is also really convoluted. Here’s a little checklist of things you have to do if you want to work in the schools in Missouri:

– 6 years of school! NBD

– Pass the Praxis II – SLP

– Get a provisional license (and then a full license) from the Board of Healing Arts

– Get a Temporary Authorization Certificate from the Dept of Elementary and Secondary Education (DESE) – you have to get the go ahead from the Board of Healing Arts before you can do anything through DESE.

– Get a school certificate through DESE after you complete your CF (don’t forget – schools treat us like teachers!) called the Student Services Certificate.

– Complete your CF (36 weeks, supervised)

– Get your CCCs

– If you’re contracted in the schools you’ll need to get a Medicaid number. You cannot get a Medicaid number as a CF. So you cannot bill Medicaid.


– Maintain your certification with CEUs (30 hours of continuing education per biennium) through ASHA, Board of Healing Arts, and DESE

– PS. If you get your CCCs and THEN decide to work in the schools you’ll apply for an Initial Student Services certificate which expires in four years and THEN you get the Career Student Services certificate.

– PSS. You may also wish to be a part of your state association – so remember to pay for that as well!

Completely. Friggin. Insane.

Oh oh oh – and here’s something that is just AWESOME. In order to get a MO Provisional License – you must have a job, supervisor name, and employer name, before you can apply. Yeah. Don’t bother applying for a license unless you have a job already – but you may NOT see clients/patients until receive your license number. WHAT? So basically when you go into an interview you’re saying “Hire me now, but I can’t work for you until the end of June.”

Which is why it’s so hard to find medical placements – they’re hiring for NOW not four months from now.

If you want to find out about your state’s redonkulusness – you may do so on ASHA’s State-by-State website.

NP: Eric Church – Springsteen


trying to stay in a happy place

5 Mar

Today my research mentor approved my thesis to move onto my thesis committee to be edited.

Which doesn’t sound so great but it is! It is great! I’m down to 44 pages so thank goodness. 115 pages was really out of control.

The downside of my life, is the Praxis is Saturday and I am just not prepared even a smidgen. BLECH. I need to mainly focus on reviewing Speech and Hearing Science, Audiology, and Motor Speech. Everything else I feel pretty confident about.

I wasn’t offered the job I interviewed for, but I have a phone interview with LinguaHealth tomorrow so yippee! I’m not too bummed, as it was my first interview and also I used all C words to describe myself like some freak.

Also I need to start thinking about my first blog post for the Hearing Journal‘s new student website. If anyone has any ideas please share.

NP: Right Above It – Lil Wayne


NP During the Day: Waka Waka (my kids are OBSESSED with this song)

i can’t sleeeeep

8 Jan

I have tried. No dice. What to DO?! Blog. Duh.

Life update: I’m living in the finished attic of friends KG and DH. They are super lovely and accomodating and without them I’d be living…no where. So basically I’m indebted to them for the rest of time. On Saturday the boyf is moving my storage unit crap to STL. Then I’m here for another two weeks!

This will be week four of the externship with my little bitties. Technically supposed to be my last week but I’m asking for more time because I AM NOT READY.

I succeeded in getting out of bed and going to collect thesis data, for anyone who doubted me. The best part of my project is asking people to “write a sentence” for the MMSE. I get the best sentences and people always look at me like I’m a weirdo at this request (I get the same look when I ask them to count backwards from 100, by seven. Dear Folstein and Folstein, NO ONE CAN DO THAT. Love, Sam). So far the sentences (or fragments of sentences) are,

1. I think this crazy.

2. I would like to make my way to Mountain Grove. (WHAT??)

3. I am going today.

4. The leaves are now all gone.

5. It’s not so bad here.

6. This is a beautiful day.

It’s like a MMSE poem.

I’ve been analyzing the data I’ve got. Nothing to write home about yet, but this weekend I plan to finish data collection and stats so I’ll letcha know what we’ve got going on.

My clinical director said to not start applying to jobs until March or April. However, two women I work with at my site heard this and were completely aghast. Apparently I should start like…NOW. I started fixing up my resume and would LOVE some input. Like, I have a LOT of stuff to put on a resume but my work experience and extra curriculars are basically irrelevant. Do I put those on there? I like to keep my resume to a page so I want to make the most of that page.

I’m putting my resume here so you can judge it:

Seriously, TELL ME WHAT TO DO.


I’m all about the constructive criticism. Please tell me what I can do to make this resume beautiful and miraculous. I want a JOOOOB. I also sent this to an SLP who I sort of know in Kansas City so hopefully she’ll have the hook up.

In unrelated news, I got a hamster. His name is Mr. Stoli Socks. He is a Russian dwarf. And he was a Christmas orphan. And he has a nibbled ear. And he is super cute and kind of mean. I think he is misunderstood.

"Oh hey guys. I am super cute. LOVE ME"

I couldn’t stop myself. HE WAS ABANDONED. Also, Monty needed a friend. He was getting tired of my shenanigans. Like I tried putting him in this hanging tunnel thing and his back legs and balls were hanging out because he is SO LAZY he couldn’t get the gumption to pull those body parts into the tunnel. Needless to say, he was none too pleased. The animals on the package looked so happy! But this is what he looked like:

From experience, I can tell you, this is an unhappy pig

This is apparently what should have happened if Monty wasn’t so lackadaisical.

You may be thinking, "That pig doesn't look more or less happy than Monty" and my answer to that is,"This pig's testes are INSIDE the tunnel"

I don’t put Monty and Mr. Socks in the same cage, but piggies and hammies are social critters. So when I put Mr. Socks in the ball and set Monty on the floor they engage. It is QUITE adorable.

In related news, I’m clearly insane.

While I’m an attic troll, my parental units are watching my creatures. Obviously my charms are many.

Since I’ve been back in Springfield, I’ve done the following: gone to hot yoga, gotten a spray tan, and attended a black tie wedding. Life keeps getting weirder and weirder. And awesomer. Also, I’m up to 252 clinic hours and 35 externship hours! Woop woop! 400 here I come!

I hope everyone taking the Praxis next week is having good luck studying! I know a lot of comps are going on as well. Keep your head up! We’re almost there!

I’m going to sleep.


it’s time

29 Dec

I’m registered for the Praxis. Blech.

Do I have to?


its been awhile, cranial nerves

24 Aug

So yesterday was our first day of dysphagia and we took a pre-test. There was a question regarding cranial nerves and I was all, “Oh snap. I don’t remember this at all.”

As a result, this morning I thought I should brush up a bit and I found this great website! Cranial Nerves Introduction

It has all sorts of good stuff. The nerves light up when you run your mouse over the word and quizzes and so forth. It tells you this silly acronym to remember them but I think it is harder to remember that than to remember the actual nerves so I’m going to make up my own

I'd like to point out that the "Spinal Accessory" needs to pick a name and stick with it

And here it is: Oh! Our Outstanding Townhouse’s Terrific Attic Fan Ventilates Great! Very Satisfactory Home.

NP: Weepies YouTube Mix – go ahead, play all, you know you want to


I’m going to write a blog with no exclamation points.

23 Aug

Because I clearly have been getting really excited about things and all of the exclaiming makes me look crazier than I am.

Onto the topic of this post:

The Praxis. Oi.

I’m feeling a little panicked. We don’t take the Praxis until the spring semester but I’m starting to do a little review now and Oh. My. Word.

I have forgotten everything. Any suggestions from the ranks on how to best approach this? I started saving class notes, tests, quizzes from junior year circa Audiology/Speech Mech and on. I have my study book but it is just a guide, it isn’t going to have any questions that are actually on the Praxis. I also have every speech-path book I’ve ever bought (except for the one I think someone STOLE. GRRR.)

There is just so much. Speech-language pathology is a huge field and I’m feeling a little concerned that my brain won’t accept all of the information I’m expected to know. THERE ARE SO MANY MUSCLES OF THE TONGUE.

In related news, today is my first day of Dysphagia and I’m terrified. I need to somehow remember all of it because I’m so scared that one day I’ll screw something up. It is pretty hard to kill someone with language therapy (haha tell that to a four year old) but it is pretty easy to make someone aspirate if they’re already vulnerable. I’m hoping we learn about trachs/vents but if we don’t I plan on going to every conference/workshop/presentation on that topic that I can. In fact, I’m already registered for one in October. I just don’t ever want to be the reason someone can’t breathe.

NP: George Strait – Living for the Night (oh Georgie. I love you.)

PS – I had to edit this because I realized I put in TWO exclamation points after I published it. I am an embarrassment to the period and serious prose.